I just got home from the doctoral organ recital of a very good friend of mine from high school, whom I had last seen ten years ago, when we were both undergrads. We had been roommates back in organ summer camp, and I would consider him as close a friend as I had. In these ten years, he has gone from an outstanding, competition-winning young organist, to (seemingly) building himself up as a world-class player. He always impressed me as a down-to-earth, humble person to boot. And he also introduced me to Monty Python.
I started thinking about this, and I must admit, I despaired a bit. What greatness have I achieved in the last ten years? Do I have any kind of bekius? Have I refined my personality to any great degree? Am I an outstanding father? No! Alas, what has become of me? Why have I failed when others, whom I was so close to, have succeeded so gloriously?
And then I continued to think. Indeed, one of my core traits is that I am a generalist. I thrive on achieving a basic level of competence in many areas; it's not in my nature to be "the best" at any one thing - my best is to be good at lots of things. I continued to think: just a second... in the last ten years, what have I done? I have learned a new language with its own alphabet totally different to what I grew up with. I know how to learn Gemara. I have taught myself web development. I have managed to do a halfway decent job of integrating myself into a new society which bears very little resemblance to what I grew up with, and am making strides in carving myself out a niche in it. I am raising three beautiful children!
Self-doubt be [beep]ed! I certainly cannot claim that I have realized my full potential, or that I never mess up. But to think that I have achieved less than my old friend just because his success is more apparent is an unforgiveable short-selling. I am making remarkable use of the tremendous gifts that God has given me in so many areas: analytical, linguistic, personal mettle... My path has lain in a totally different direction to his - and I am following it faithfully. That's the measure of success.
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I'd love your input. I'm only accepting constructive remarks that I see as adhering to acceptable halachic standards. If there's any question as to what that means, we can clarify.